Energy

Personally, I feel that I'm a person that is filled with lots and lots of energy. However, I always spend all these energy in the wrong way. To be honest, I'm a shy person. I tend avoid eye contact with people or sometimes even avoiding people. In gatherings or social events, I tend to feel drained out because I expense a lot of energy. Probably because I'm an introvert, I don't deny that. Because of that, I think I looked like someone that lacks confidence in the other's opinion. My energy is spent mostly on thinking how I should behave in public and walking fast to avoid crowds. These thoughts and actions drains a lot of energy.

However, I recently realized that the only time I not conscious of my actions and behavior is when I have little energy left. Usually after my routine runs, when I would feel sore and tired. My walking speed would decrease significantly (Finally walking like a normal human). and I would just continue walking without avoiding eye contact and feeling confident. I'm thinking when my energy level is low, I don't bother about all those thoughts. Like I'm already so tired, why should I make myself even more tired. Funny thing is, I don't apply this logic during normal times.

As for times when I'm alone, I feel that my energy is unlimited. I can keep working, playing all day long without feeling tired at all. It's also probably why I like running alone. I get to spend time with myself while training my mental and physical strength. During runs, I always talked to myself, asking myself to go further, faster or simply not to stop (What an introvert I am). No doubt I am an introvert, but when I becomes open to people, I tend to become dominant. So some people do not find me an introvert. Feeling as though I'm an oxymoron. Well that's all I have for now~